treading.

frustration moment.

how is it that no matter how hard (and much) it is that I work I never seem to get my head above water for very long?

I know I'm not alone in this little quandary...so I'm not gonna burden anyone with the whole "woe is me" bullshit.

but the situation is really starting to piss me off on so many different levels.

Sure, I just moved... and anytime you do that I suppose there is the period of adaptation... the financial reset to accommodate the improvements you've made to things.

for the most part I feel good about the move. The previous setup was little more than shelter for almost two years... and in a great many ways a huge financial burden that drained the hell out of me... but, shelter without much thought...thus serving its purpose for a time.

The new place suits me. it feels more in sync with the life I've envisioned for myself. Compact, modest...perhaps even a bit spartan...but a place that I feel I'll be able to both live and work well for the next year or so. Yeah, it needs a bit of work and furnishing to really feel right (i.e...throw more cash at it...grr.) but, it reminds me of places I've thrived in the past... happier times.

the salad days?

staging life towards the next set of goals. the next book.

and facing the frustrations of pulling all of that off.

typical things I suppose...

looking at your wages and realizing that the time you put in, time that you can't write with, has issued you a paycheck that just scarcely pays your rent and a fare card until the next check cut for the 80 hour pay period you're halfway through...

treading water and wanting for nothing more than to have the home front settled and to steal a bit of time to get back to writing.

I guess everyone chasing the dream and trying to create art has to find a balance for such things.

at best... it's all worth it to be able to "do"...

at worst, maybe I should consider myself lucky to have published one book and just go back to being content with the daily grind and not worry about finding the time to create anything else...

hmm.

yeah...well, we all know it's not in me to accept that as a viable option.

something has got to give...

I'm not happy without the time to write. It's the very thing I've tried to adapt my life to do. not doing it feels like the ultimate failure to my self.

I need to find the balance point.