of firsts.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday.

On my 25th I had reasons to believe that 40 would never happen, my life and circumstances were in a rather challenged space.

From my 13th on I've never really been too fond of my birthday, it has always been a day of errors, disappointments and far too much introspection.

Friends and loved ones either forgot entirely, got the day wrong or just found themselves so caught up in life that they somehow came up missing the day.

My mom stopped acknowledging my birthday around that time. It took me years to reconcile that this oversight was her defect and not my own.

I've heard that 40 is the time when your soul is ready to enter its era of wisdom.
In so much as I take any such things to heart this seems a reasonable thing to believe.
With that in mind I feel that for the first time in roughly 27 years I actually was able to make it through that single day without the senses of regret and foreboding...

Perhaps the era of wisdom has finally allowed me to just appreciate the day and truly let go of the unpleasant parts of what led to it.

I'm fortunate and even a little blessed to have those that remain an active part of my life and grateful for those that have passed from it. Though I still have certain doubts as to whether or not I'll manage 40 more years here, I'm looking forward to giving it a try.

Thank you to everyone that made getting this far possible.

xo. LR.